Despite being told that she is nothing but "empty calories," Candy is excited by her big break--being digested by the body, in this humorous exploration of the digestive system, presented as a Broadway musical.

After being bitten by a vampire, not only is fifteen-year-old Doug doomed eternally to be fat, but now he must also save himself from the desperate host of a public-access-cable vampire-hunting television show that is on the verge of cancellation.

Improbable, ridiculous remedies accumulate when there is gum stuck in your hair.